Break thy pen, thou fool!

Right.

I took an exam today. Nothing special about that, it just felt strange. Or crap, actually.

I’ve been studying political philosophy this summer, just one course but I didn’t have time to do more since I can study properly only on weekends (otherwise I’m working 8.30–16.30; in Finland we have ridiculously long summer breaks during which I usually work). Today I took the exam and it was horrible, for heaven’s sake! No, wait… I got that reversed, the exam was fine but I was horrible. I sucked and the grade I’ll have will just determine how much. The things I forgot were so obvious, so self-evident. My head is like a sieve, everything I put there goes through. For instance, I forgot to define freedom when writing about Alexis de Tocqueville’s liberalism and theories concerning democracy. Freedom. A word that most likely is in the top three when listing important concepts and ideas the book presents. Summer well spent, I’d say. I hate Fridays right now.

Another thing came to my mind. Being in the classroom felt very odd, the entire campus area did. I haven’t been there during the summer break, perhaps that’s the reason. Be that as it may, I’m scared. I’m actually scared. I love our university but somehow I feel I don’t actually belong there anymore. It’s frightening since school and learning environments in general have always been the only places I feel home at – apart from nature and Scotland of course. I’ve never truly felt deep connection, most of the time I feel sort of disconnected. Studying has always been my anchor and pride, what if I’ll lose it? What if I don’t deserve to study at the university anymore?

Yep. I hate Fridays. Begone, thou foul day!