"The Winter comes, the bare and leafless Day..."

… if only it would have stayed a little longer.

Now, tell me who was it that took away my beautiful winter; who was it that turned frost into water; who dimmed my bright and clear sky? I’d like my frost back, please. I’m not ready for spring yet. It’s January and this simply will not do. Do I have to go back to Svalbard where they have proper winter?

Although, I’m sure my car is relieved.

It's possible I've posted some of these pictures before, they're old ones. In that case, sorry for spamming.

The Embarrassment List II

(Or more likely a random list of irrelevant revelations.)

1. I’ve never been intoxicated.

Frankly, I don’t really know why. The idea of being drunk and blurring my thoughts just never really appealed to me. I like to be able to reflect on my actions and ideas. Besides, I’m confused enough even sober.

2. I’m unbelievably childish.

I’m not saying there’s something bad about being childish – of course not, I admire people with curious eyes and a yearning for new experiences. That is wonderful and something worth treasuring. Alas, the way I’m childish is simply ridiculous. I constantly entertain ideas about things and dreams that most definitely are out of my reach. I once read – alas I cannot remember whose aphorism it was – that it is not death itself we fear but being forgotten. As cheesy (or foolish) as it is, I find that very much true. The odds are that the only permanent thing I have to offer is my ecological footprint which makes me sad since I’m a sentimental nature lover.

3. I wallow in (non-reality-based) nostalgia

I’m not sure whether ‘nostalgia’ counts as a mood, but if it does I’m its embodiment. The funny thing is that the things I miss the most are ones I’ve never seen or experienced: ages I haven’t lived through, places I’ve never seen – or my favourite, things that never even existed in the first place but were devised by a clever mind. I’ve noticed the feeling is strongly connected to places, in my case especially Scotland. Those mountains in Braemar…

4. I cannot sleep if there is someone in my apartment.

I just can’t. I lie in my bed eyes open and think: ‘This is freaking weird, there’s someone in the next room.’

5. I’m afraid to walk at night…

… unless I’m far away from cities somewhere in the middle of nowhere in a place that doesn’t even have a name.

6. I’m quite ambitious…

… but that doesn’t (and most likely won’t) serve me in any way. It only ensures that I’ll have plenty of opportunities to be very disappointed in the future. Most people can use their ambitions and actually make something of their lives. Do you belong to that blessed group? I applaud you.

(Don't ask why I posted random jellyfishes here. I took these pictures in Fraserburgh a few years ago.)

7. I had to add one more…

…because I didn’t want to end this list with an even number. That's embarrassing as such.

Diamonds of frost and sun

–27 in the morning and I couldn’t be happier. I don’t even feel sorry for my feet or fingers. Let it be cold.

Spring term begins on Monday and I’m terrified. Again.

There isn’t much more to say right now; northern weather and panic about studying as always. Clearly I’m such a multidimensional person. In literary studies they talk about flat and round, static and dynamic characters. That classification is also useful when talking about real life people, and I can find my place in microseconds – flat and static, someone whose personality is built on simple stereotypes and who never changes no matter how many years pass by.

Nothing new under the sun. (Sun must be considered figuratively here since it cannot be seen at the moment.)

7.1.2016, 07.30

Perseus; Pleiades star cluster

Orion (constellation + nebula M42); Hyades star cluster

The Two Trees

Christmas tree is all about light, they say. I must say I agree; I’m not a big fan of overdone, glitter-and-elf-faces-all-over -type decorations but I do love the lights. My perspective, however, is slightly different – in my opinion trees are not light-bearers only but also producers of it. Does anyone sense a Tolkien-leap coming? Yes, I know I’m very predictable.

Laurelin and Telperion. The Two Trees of Valinor, light-makers, followers of the Lamps, predecessors of Sun and Moon. It was the dew of Telperion, the silver tree, that Varda used to create stars that once were so beloved by the Eldar. The myth of the Trees in Tolkien’s legendarium has always been one of my favourites and I find it remarkably fascinating. It is a story of great beauty but also very sad: it tells how the fairest and most treasured things on earth were destroyed, and how their light vanished beyond recall and never again was seen in its full glory if not in the Silmarils of Fëanor. The light of the Trees was drunk by Ungoliant the Gloomweaver, mother of all spiders, whose presence was darkness itself.

Picture: Ralph Damiani, http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Category:Images_by_Ralph_Damiani

Since I love (or nearly worship) stars I find the silvery flowers of Telperion even fairer than the golden fruits of Laurelin. But both Trees are dear to me and somehow I find them (and their story) unbelievably inspiring. It is not seldom that I find myself indulging in stories about things that are lost or perished: somehow I believe that utter beauty and goodness are always to be beyond our reach, brought to existence in words but not in life. Some may say it’s a sad thought. I find it comforting: even in the fictional universe of Arda ultimate fairness is unreachable.

Tomorrow it’s time to decorate a beautiful spruce (I have to admit that I always feel somehow bad cutting them down). I must say I rather enjoy it – but still my number one tree will always be Telperion.

Winter solstice

You know it's dark when there is no light to cast shadows. Winter solstice took place on 22.12. and we were able to enjoy twilight at daytime for several hours. From tomorrow on the bright hours will slowly grow longer again.

Silence

Silence.

Oh how I love it. One doesn’t even notice all the noises when surrounded by them all the time. The same goes for lights as well; again I got so used to the town’s light pollution I nearly wept last night, seeing the sky clearly after such a long time. Gloomy or not, I love polar nights. And it’s finally cold again. Cold is good (not when it comes to vehicles, of course, poor old car).

P.S. I took our (‘our’ meaning my parents’ to be exact) cat to the vet today. I came back alone. What a shitty way to start a holiday.

The Embarrassment List

I most definitely should not be writing this but I think I’ll do it anyway. In Finland losing one’s dignity is practically criminalized or at least strongly disapproved. In fact I’m not particularly bothered with that, shame and humiliation are much more effective when coming from inside rather than outside. However, lately I’ve been learning to blurt embarrassing things just so that I could see it’s not necessarily the end of the world. (It did not work, just so you know.)

However, here’s a little list about things I find more or less embarrassing.

1) I talk to myself all the time…

Well, not when there are others present. Otherwise I’m babbling all the time. I can spend a long time learning completely useless things by heart and reciting them for no good reason. That includes poems, monologues and paragraphs from my favourite books. And then there is of course the nonsense talk I also daily engage in. The talking itself isn’t the thing I find embarrassing: rather it’s the fact that I’m incapable of finding anything more substantial to do.

2) … even though I hate my voice

I hate talking in public, mostly because of my voice. Poor people.

3) I’ve never been in a relationship

That’s right. I’ve never been romantically involved with anyone. Why? I’m not the kind of person others find interesting. I’m not witty or attractive and my level of awkwardness is off the charts. Point 1 might also have something to do with this. I find weird things interesting (including inspiring people that most likely have been dead for decades if not centuries [and then there are the fictional ones that have never even been alive, of course]). Perhaps this is a good thing: there is a chance I could never love a man as much as I love, well, for instance, The Lord of the Rings (note: the book, not Sauron).

4) My lack of mathematical skills would be enough to disgrace all mankind.

This is something I truly regret. I’ve always been incredibly bad at mathematics, or more likely anything that is somehow based on mathematical structures or ideas. No, no, no, no. Just can’t. Been there, tried that. For eleven years.

5) I’m awfully bad with public transportation.

“How the hell did I end up here?” As weird as it may be, that doesn’t apply to airports. Flying to Svalbard went easily with the connection flights and all that (I rather like airports). Problems only arose after landing. There were two buses leaving from the airport and I took the wrong one. Luckily the kind driver told me about this and I managed to change just in time.

Thank God I love driving.

I might continue this list at some point. There is so much more...