The Embarrassment List II

(Or more likely a random list of irrelevant revelations.)

1. I’ve never been intoxicated.

Frankly, I don’t really know why. The idea of being drunk and blurring my thoughts just never really appealed to me. I like to be able to reflect on my actions and ideas. Besides, I’m confused enough even sober.

2. I’m unbelievably childish.

I’m not saying there’s something bad about being childish – of course not, I admire people with curious eyes and a yearning for new experiences. That is wonderful and something worth treasuring. Alas, the way I’m childish is simply ridiculous. I constantly entertain ideas about things and dreams that most definitely are out of my reach. I once read – alas I cannot remember whose aphorism it was – that it is not death itself we fear but being forgotten. As cheesy (or foolish) as it is, I find that very much true. The odds are that the only permanent thing I have to offer is my ecological footprint which makes me sad since I’m a sentimental nature lover.

3. I wallow in (non-reality-based) nostalgia

I’m not sure whether ‘nostalgia’ counts as a mood, but if it does I’m its embodiment. The funny thing is that the things I miss the most are ones I’ve never seen or experienced: ages I haven’t lived through, places I’ve never seen – or my favourite, things that never even existed in the first place but were devised by a clever mind. I’ve noticed the feeling is strongly connected to places, in my case especially Scotland. Those mountains in Braemar…

4. I cannot sleep if there is someone in my apartment.

I just can’t. I lie in my bed eyes open and think: ‘This is freaking weird, there’s someone in the next room.’

5. I’m afraid to walk at night…

… unless I’m far away from cities somewhere in the middle of nowhere in a place that doesn’t even have a name.

6. I’m quite ambitious…

… but that doesn’t (and most likely won’t) serve me in any way. It only ensures that I’ll have plenty of opportunities to be very disappointed in the future. Most people can use their ambitions and actually make something of their lives. Do you belong to that blessed group? I applaud you.

(Don't ask why I posted random jellyfishes here. I took these pictures in Fraserburgh a few years ago.)

7. I had to add one more…

…because I didn’t want to end this list with an even number. That's embarrassing as such.

Scotland the Fair

One afternoon, not very long ago, I had a cup of tea – not just any cup of it, though.  It was Dragonfly rooibos tea with a wonderful, sweet touch of vanilla. It’s not just tea in my humble opinion, more like a piece of heaven turned into liquid – and I’m a devoted coffee-drinker.  Alas, the teabag I used was the last one I had left and therefore, naturally, the circumstances had to be ideal; it was a gray, rainy afternoon, just the kind of afternoon that makes you realise winter is definitely on its way. So I had my delicious cup of tea wishing the brand was also available in my country. However, even more than the tea itself I miss the place where I drank it for the first time.

Scotland has always had a special place in my heart. I've had a great pleasure to visit that wonderful country three times, twice on holiday, once volunteering in a local elderly care in Aberdeen. I was staying in a very nice, quiet village called Bieldside and even though the time I spent there wasn't that long it felt like home.  I couldn't stop admiring the greenery and the old houses and every morning I woke up I was amazed to realise that the country I was in was strange and yet not strange at all. I was at home without truly being at home, I was abroad without truly being abroad.

Bieldside

I spent most of the time in Aberdeen but it certainly isn't the only place I fell in love with. The most beautiful place I've ever seen is in the Highlands where the nature is plain and barren and yet so uncommonly fair. One of my favourite places is a small village called Braemar for not many sights are dearer to me than the mountains, the mist, River Dee and all the little brooks running down from the hills. I could walk there for hours just looking, listening, breathing and sometimes if I stood still long enough it felt as if the mountains were speaking and time ceased to exist. There were just the mountains, the mountains alone.

Braemar

Probably I should have written this in Finnish – as my native language it is the only one that allows me to express my thoughts properly and only by using Finnish I can reach at least some depth of expression. However, it felt right to write this one in English, it is about Scotland after all. Alas, this choice includes the very unpleasant risk of making embarrassing grammatical and phraseological mistakes. That is a risk I choose to ignore.

Stonehaven