The Embarrassment List

I most definitely should not be writing this but I think I’ll do it anyway. In Finland losing one’s dignity is practically criminalized or at least strongly disapproved. In fact I’m not particularly bothered with that, shame and humiliation are much more effective when coming from inside rather than outside. However, lately I’ve been learning to blurt embarrassing things just so that I could see it’s not necessarily the end of the world. (It did not work, just so you know.)

However, here’s a little list about things I find more or less embarrassing.

1) I talk to myself all the time…

Well, not when there are others present. Otherwise I’m babbling all the time. I can spend a long time learning completely useless things by heart and reciting them for no good reason. That includes poems, monologues and paragraphs from my favourite books. And then there is of course the nonsense talk I also daily engage in. The talking itself isn’t the thing I find embarrassing: rather it’s the fact that I’m incapable of finding anything more substantial to do.

2) … even though I hate my voice

I hate talking in public, mostly because of my voice. Poor people.

3) I’ve never been in a relationship

That’s right. I’ve never been romantically involved with anyone. Why? I’m not the kind of person others find interesting. I’m not witty or attractive and my level of awkwardness is off the charts. Point 1 might also have something to do with this. I find weird things interesting (including inspiring people that most likely have been dead for decades if not centuries [and then there are the fictional ones that have never even been alive, of course]). Perhaps this is a good thing: there is a chance I could never love a man as much as I love, well, for instance, The Lord of the Rings (note: the book, not Sauron).

4) My lack of mathematical skills would be enough to disgrace all mankind.

This is something I truly regret. I’ve always been incredibly bad at mathematics, or more likely anything that is somehow based on mathematical structures or ideas. No, no, no, no. Just can’t. Been there, tried that. For eleven years.

5) I’m awfully bad with public transportation.

“How the hell did I end up here?” As weird as it may be, that doesn’t apply to airports. Flying to Svalbard went easily with the connection flights and all that (I rather like airports). Problems only arose after landing. There were two buses leaving from the airport and I took the wrong one. Luckily the kind driver told me about this and I managed to change just in time.

Thank God I love driving.

I might continue this list at some point. There is so much more...

Condolences

Even if there is much to say it's best to remain silent if the right words cannot be found. If you can't say anything, don't - or turn to someone who can.

'But for long years we healers have only sought to patch the rents made by the men of swords. Though we should still have enough to do without them: the world is full enough of hurts and mischances without wars to multiply them.'

'It may be that only a few days are left ere darkness falls upon our world, and when it comes I hope to face it steadily; but it would ease my heart, if while the Sun yet shines, I could see you still.'

'Let us not speak at all! I stand upon some dreadful brink, and it is utterly dark in the abyss before my feet, but whether there is any light behind me I cannot tell. For I cannot turn yet. I wait for some stroke of doom.'

'Yes, we wait for the stroke of doom,' said Faramir. And they said no more; and it seemed to them as they stood upon the wall that the wind died, and the light failed, and the Sun was bleared, and all the sounds in the City or in the lands about were hushed: neither wind, nor voice, nor bird-call, nor rustle of leaf, nor their own breath could be heard; the very beating of their hearts was stilled.

This is the ending. Now not day only shall be beloved, but night too shall be beautiful and blessed and all its fears pass away!

- J.R.R. Tolkien: The Lord of the Rings (The Return of the King)

Deep and dark are the fears now yet not invincible. What has been done is done. What matters is what we choose to do next.

My condolences.

Atalantë

One day last week, October 7^th to be precise, yet another religious community announced that we’d better enjoy our five o’clock tea a bit earlier than normally since the day’s schedule also includes the end of our world. Despite the undeniable authority of the prophets the universe didn’t cease to exist (assuming I’d notice if it did – I wouldn’t encourage anyone to count on my level of attentiveness). Here we are and the world passes on. Tellus’ next planned best before -date (or one of them; this topic seems to have an exceptional tendency to produce prophecies) is supposed to be 2020. Let’s see what happens then.

Right now my attitude and mood are quite suitable for welcoming the apocalypse but since it got cancelled I must find some other entertainment. The themes of apocalypse and eschatology still seem very appealing so I’m watching Comet in Moominland. I’m rather fond of the film though I love Jansson’s novels and short stories more than the adaptations. Well, both books and films will do as long as the Muskrat is included. His words are the ones I need right now. What I’m planning to do is to curl up on the sofa, drink lots of coffee and listen to Muskrat preaching about doomsday.

A couple of quotes concerning the end of the world or destruction of cultures in general (there might be mistakes in the Swedish one taken from the film Kometen kommer; I’m not sure if I managed to catch the right form of all words):

”Och då kan ni förstå hur lite det betyder om jorden drabbas av en katastrof eller inte.”
”Nej, hör nu kära Bisamråttan, de där andra solsystemen bryr vi oss faktiskt inte alls om.”
”Så där säger en som aldrig har studerat filosofi och som dessutom tror att han betyder någongting.”

– Kometen kommer: Moominpappa and Muskrat on the arriving comet.

'Yes,' said Faramir, 'of the land of Westernesse that foundered, and of the great dark wave climbing over the green lands and above the hills, and coming on, darkness unescapable. I often dream of it.'
'Then you think that the Darkness is coming?' said Éowyn. 'Darkness Unescapable?' And suddenly she drew close to him.
 'No,' said Faramir, looking into her face. 'It was but a picture in the mind. I do not know what is happening. The reason of my waking mind tells me that great evil has befallen and we stand at the end of days. But my heart says nay; and all my limbs are light, and a hope and joy are come to me that no reason can deny. Éowyn, Éowyn, White Lady of Rohan, in this hour I do not believe that any darkness will endure!'

– The Lord of the Rings; The Steward and the King (Faramir and Éowyn on the fall of Númenor)

This is probably one of my favourite Tolkien-quotes of all time. I don’t quite know why; it just happens to fascinate me.

Spamming my face here for no good reason. Just trying

to adapt to this century. Doesn't seem to work so far.

The Fall of Lórien

Of all the magical places Tolkien created the woodland realm of Lothlórien is the one I love the most. It is both exotic and ancient, full of wisdom and concealed power but also mirth and love even though ’in all lands love is now mingled with grief.’  Before Christmas I wrote an essay about the themes of absence, fading and evanescence in Tolkien’s poems. The poems I analysed were The Song of Beren and Lúthien, Galadriel’s Song of Eldamar and The Lay of Nimrodel and I pondered their place as a significant part of the mythological tradition and continuum of Middle-Earth. Each of these poems – in my opinion – is impregnated with deep longing and grief though not only because they all speak of something that is lost of yore.

Especially Galadriel’s Song of Eldamar made me think of Lórien, fairest of all remaining elven realms on the eastern shores of the Sundering Seas. It is uncommonly graceful and beautiful and yet (speaking of The Lord of the Rings since that is where the poem appears) we readers only get to see it near to its passing in the days when its glory grows lesser. Alongside the Fellowship we wander under the fading mellyrn that, despite their lingering beauty, have already been touched by frost. This process of diminishing also concerns one of the most essential paradoxes of the novel: destroying the One Ring is the only way to save Middle-Earth and its peoples. However, when the Ring is destroyed also the power of the Three Rings fades away. Nenya, the Ring of Adamant wielded by Galadriel is the Ring of preservation and protection. Destroying the One Ring inevitably causes Lothlórien, the very place the Ring of Adamant was used to guard, to diminish when the protective power of Nenya ceases.

The Fall of Lórien literally is the fall of Lórien; as so often in the works of Tolkien (and probably generally in literature) here too autumn is associated with passing and change. It also causes Galadriel to miss the Undying Lands she left so long ago:

‘O Lórien! The Winter comes, the bare and leafless Day;
The leaves are falling in the stream, the River flows away.
O Lórien! Too long I have dwelt upon this Hither Shore
And in a fading crown have twined the golden elanor.’

Winter is on its way and the spring and summer of Lothlórien are gone by ‘and they will never be seen on earth again save in memory’. In this quote (The Fellowship of the Ring; Farewell to Lórien p. 396) the very core of my essay can be seen: most of the poems and songs, especially those of the Elves, are signs of something ancient, something lost, something treasured. When the Third Age comes near to its end there are more than one major changes going on in Middle-Earth and many things will fall into oblivion. Much of the folklore and history of Middle-Earth has survived in Elven poems and songs, but now the ones that still remember the ancient tales are leaving the Hither Shore in order to return to the Undying Lands. Instead of being the singers themselves the Elves now become the ones sung about, they no longer are the storytellers but parts of the stories. With them also fades the oral tradition of Middle-Earth – for instance in Elrond’s Hall of Fire in Rivendell thousands of poems and tales were told throughout the years. That tradition is coming to its end when the Fourth Age comes nearer.

The mythological tradition itself (again, in my opinion) is not fading even though oral tradition might; Bilbo Baggins collected countless songs, poems and tales in the Red Book of Westmarch, including translations from Elvish. The turn of the Third Age into the Fourth is also a turning point for the mythological tradition since it becomes written (and also translated which is not meaningless whenever speaking about Tolkien) instead of oral.

Back to Lórien. The mellyrn are fading, winter has come and the realm is slowly deserted. When I first read The Lord of the Rings 12 years ago I was sad to see that happen – in fact, I still am. However, I’m starting to understand why that had to happen. Besides, even though Lórien as it was in its summer is gone it doesn’t mean it has completely left those who loved it. The spring and summer won’t be seen again save in memory – and even though those who remembered are gone there luckily were those who wrote down the memories. Luckily there was Bilbo Baggins.

Aarteita Ardasta

Kirjoitan kolmivuotisen kirjallisuudenopiskeluaikani ensimmäistä Tolkien-aiheista esseetä. Tolkien on pysytellyt poissa paperilta kahdestakin syystä: en ole tähänastisilla kursseilla löytänyt sopivaa koloa, johon voisin hänet sijoittaa, ja toisekseen olen hiukan karttanut häntä. Epäilen, etten vieläkään osaa käsitellä hänen teoksiaan likimainkaan niin hyvin, kuin ne ansaitsisivat tulla käsitellyiksi – ei niin, että opiskelumenestykseni olisi heikkoa, mutta silti. Tolkienista kirjoittaminen on ihanaa ja kamalaa yhtä aikaa, puoliksi olen innoissani, puoliksi pelkään tekeväni vahinkoa. Nyt päätin kuitenkin tarttua balrogia sarvista ja ryhtyä toimeen.

Koska Tolkien on tällä hetkellä ajatuksissani tavallistakin enemmän, päätin kerätä tähän kolme omasta mielestäni vaikuttavinta tekstikatkelmaa Tolkienin teoksista – vaikka ehkä pitäisi sanoa, että nämä katkelmat ovat mielestäni vaikuttavimpia tällä hetkellä. Keski-Maan tarinat yllättävät minut joka kerta niitä lukiessani, samoin Tolkienin kauneudessaan käsittämätön kieli.

Ensimmäinen katkelma on teoksesta The Book of Lost Tales II ja sisältyy Eriolin – tai toisella nimellä Ælfwinen – tarinaan. Tarinassa vala Ulmo, jonka voi mieltää jonkinlaiseksi meren ja veden jumaluudeksi, siunaa Eriolin laivan:

’Then the ancient one laid his hand upon her prow and spoke words of magic, giving her power to cleave uncloven waters and enter unentered harbours, and ride untrodden beaches. Twin rudder-paddles, one on either side, had she after the fashion of the Ythlings, and each of these he blessed, giving them skill to steer when the hands that held them failed, and to find lost courses, and to follow stars that were hid.’

                      – The Book of Lost Tales II

Seuraava katkelma on Berenin ja Lúthienin tarun kertovasta, kunnianhimoisessa kokonaisuudessaan 4200-säkeisestä runosta The Lay of Leithian. Ainakin osa runon versioista on saatavilla Internetissä, mutta olen lukenut niistä vain joitakin pätkiä; päätin, että haluan sittenkin lukea runon kokonaisuudessaan kirjasta ruudun sijaan. Tämä on tietysti myös oiva syy ostaa vihdoinkin teos The Lays of Beleriand. Olen lukenut useita muunnelmia Berenin ja Lúthienin tarusta, mutta en silti malta odottaa, että pääsen nauttimaan myös tästä versiosta kokonaisuudessaan. Sitä odotellessani liitän tähän kauniin katkelman viidennestä cantosta, jossa Beren pyytää Lúthienin kättä kuningas Thingolilta. Thingol suostuu pyyntöön ainoastaan, jos Berenin onnistuu varastaa yksi Silmaril mustan ruhtinaan Morgothin kruunusta:

‘A treasure dear I too desire,
but rocks and steel and Morgoth's fire
from all the powers of Elvenesse            
do keep the jewel I would possess.
Yet bonds like these I hear thee say
affright thee not. Now go thy way!
Bring in thy hand one Silmaril
from Morgoth's crown, then if she will,
may Lúthien set her hand in thine;
then shalt thou have this jewel of mine.’

                      – The Lay of Leithian, Canto V

The Lay of Leithianin rytmi on loistava esimerkki Tolkienin uskomattoman kauniista kielenkäytöstä. Samoin on mielestäni viimeinen, joskin proosamuotoinen, valitsemani katkelma, jossa sormusten haltijat ovat jättämässä Keski-Maan kolmannen ajan lopulla:

’Then Elrond and Galadriel rode on; for the Third Age was over, and the Days of the Rings were passed, and an end was come of the story and song of those times. With them went many Elves of the High Kindred who would no longer stay in Middle-earth; and among them, filled with a sadness that was yet blessed and without bitterness, rode Sam, and Frodo, and Bilbo, and the Elves delighted to honour them.’

                      – The Return of the King

Oheiset kuvat eivät varsinaisesti liity aiheeseen vaan siihen, että ensilumi satoi tänään. Ensilumen vaikutus on aina jollakin tavalla seesteinen, puhdas ja rauhoittava. Ehkä se johtuu siitä, että lumisade pehmentää kaikki äänet, tai siitä, miten paljon pehmeämmältä kaikki valoa myöten näyttää lumen sadettua.