Night's Plutonian Shore

If I knew why this came to my mind right now I’d tell you. But I know not.

For some reason I started to ponder my weirdest dreams and the top three list I came up with is the following.

3. The scary dream

This dream is probably the most awful one I’ve ever had and yet nothing really happens in it – as far as I know anyway. It is either morning or midday, a very nice and bright one too. I go for a walk as I usually do; there is one very narrow and silent walkway (part of which is almost like a path) that I like especially much. This is the road I head to. The next thing I remember is coming home in the middle of the night, it is pitch dark – and I have no idea where I’ve been all that time and what has happened. Usually that walk takes about 1.5 hours but now the whole day has gone by and I have no memory of it. I feel awful and scared. I know something hideous has happened but I don’t know what it is.

2. The horse dream

I’ve always loved horses and I used to take riding lessons, take care of horses and help at stables – it was my dearest pastime for seven years but then school started to take too much time and I had to quit. Anyway, a couple of years ago I had a dream where I rode in a forest where I had often ridden before. Even though the forest was the same it was somehow not the same – you know the way familiar things and places sometimes become strangely unfamiliar when we dream. The mare I rode was the eldest of the stable and very dear to me. I rode without a saddle, it was a fresh morning and the forest was peaceful. The mare stopped all of a sudden. I dismounted and stroke the horse. Then I took off her bridle, kissed her and watched her walk deeper into the woods. I stood there for a while the bridle in my hands and then walked back alone. It was a beautiful dream though a sad one.

1. The swan dream

The strangest of all my dreams took place in a cave deep under mountains. There was a serene, subterranean lake and everything in the cave was bluish, even the light. I had a little boat and I was rowing. It was rather cold and the walls were covered in ice crystals. I kept rowing until I saw two swans, snow white with a touch of silvery shimmer. They were fair to look at but seemed to be frozen; I am not sure because a flow under the surface was stirring my boat and I could not stop. The swans were left behind and the stream took me on, where, I do not know.

Atalantë

One day last week, October 7^th to be precise, yet another religious community announced that we’d better enjoy our five o’clock tea a bit earlier than normally since the day’s schedule also includes the end of our world. Despite the undeniable authority of the prophets the universe didn’t cease to exist (assuming I’d notice if it did – I wouldn’t encourage anyone to count on my level of attentiveness). Here we are and the world passes on. Tellus’ next planned best before -date (or one of them; this topic seems to have an exceptional tendency to produce prophecies) is supposed to be 2020. Let’s see what happens then.

Right now my attitude and mood are quite suitable for welcoming the apocalypse but since it got cancelled I must find some other entertainment. The themes of apocalypse and eschatology still seem very appealing so I’m watching Comet in Moominland. I’m rather fond of the film though I love Jansson’s novels and short stories more than the adaptations. Well, both books and films will do as long as the Muskrat is included. His words are the ones I need right now. What I’m planning to do is to curl up on the sofa, drink lots of coffee and listen to Muskrat preaching about doomsday.

A couple of quotes concerning the end of the world or destruction of cultures in general (there might be mistakes in the Swedish one taken from the film Kometen kommer; I’m not sure if I managed to catch the right form of all words):

”Och då kan ni förstå hur lite det betyder om jorden drabbas av en katastrof eller inte.”
”Nej, hör nu kära Bisamråttan, de där andra solsystemen bryr vi oss faktiskt inte alls om.”
”Så där säger en som aldrig har studerat filosofi och som dessutom tror att han betyder någongting.”

– Kometen kommer: Moominpappa and Muskrat on the arriving comet.

'Yes,' said Faramir, 'of the land of Westernesse that foundered, and of the great dark wave climbing over the green lands and above the hills, and coming on, darkness unescapable. I often dream of it.'
'Then you think that the Darkness is coming?' said Éowyn. 'Darkness Unescapable?' And suddenly she drew close to him.
 'No,' said Faramir, looking into her face. 'It was but a picture in the mind. I do not know what is happening. The reason of my waking mind tells me that great evil has befallen and we stand at the end of days. But my heart says nay; and all my limbs are light, and a hope and joy are come to me that no reason can deny. Éowyn, Éowyn, White Lady of Rohan, in this hour I do not believe that any darkness will endure!'

– The Lord of the Rings; The Steward and the King (Faramir and Éowyn on the fall of Númenor)

This is probably one of my favourite Tolkien-quotes of all time. I don’t quite know why; it just happens to fascinate me.

Spamming my face here for no good reason. Just trying

to adapt to this century. Doesn't seem to work so far.

One out of Seven

Should I choose one of the capital vices to represent the very core of my soul it would be envy. (Yes, the capital vices are a proper thing to ponder at this hour in the morning.) I’m rather an envious person – not that I’d like that too much, it just happens to be that way. That’s me and that’s how I’ll most likely remain happily ever after.

A few words concerning things I tend to envy.

Being envious of someone’s property or material things in general is something I find hard to understand. I don’t see the point of it; one doesn’t become worth envy merely by gaining wealth. What I envy is what comes before the status and its symbols. The skill. The hard work. The intelligence. The persistence. The courage. All these I value though skill above others. Luck is not included in this list. Luck is not worth envying. Luck is not deserved.

Oh how I envy those who truly are smart and skillful. Those who actually make things happen and deserve everything they’ve got. This is the very point: I’d never envy someone who succeeded in life by chance of being aided by luck. That kind of success is meaningless to me. Then again I could very well (and do, in fact) envy people that don’t necessarily seem successful but possess the intelligence and skills that are needed to gain something in life. That’s what I envy. The potential, not the outcome.

The nighttime frost finally came. I love these cool, bright autumn mornings. (It is both natural and perfectly understandable to move from the bitterness of capital vices to something as mundane as weather. Not giving a damn about how awkward the transition is, of course.)

Eclipse Hiding

Nice job, clouds! The one night you should have stayed away. Not that I’d mind getting up before six o’clock, I am a morning person so that’s fine. But come on, do I really have to wait another 33 years till the next chance to see that eclipse? Well, at least I had the chance to feel as if I was taking part in the phenomenon. Standing outside with binoculars, staring at the sky unblinking, almost literally trying to blow the clouds away…

I wouldn’t be half this pissed if the clouds didn’t pull the exact same trick earlier this autumn when the Perseids came.

An Apology

I’ve never felt ashamed about being Finnish. I love my country, I love my language and this tiny spit of land far up in the north is rather dear to me. During the past few weeks something has changed. I’ve seen this country – or its inhabitants, in fact – do things that make me feel sick, ashamed and sad.

I’m not good at talking politics, never have been. Besides, the situation being as it is, there isn’t much left to say: everything worth saying has already been said and simultaneously all kinds of crap worth neither saying nor hearing has unfortunately been said as well. What this is about is, of course, the refugees of the Syrian Civil War (and the refugee crisis in general).

I’m ashamed. I’m deeply, deeply ashamed because of the way we’ve handled things here in Finland. We’re such bullies in the EU… At first people just said disgusting things but now they’re doing disgusting things too. Writing loads of racist crap on the Internet is bad enough and yet the situation is getting worse all the time. In my opinion the saddest thing is that we’re talking about people that have either lost their homes or can no longer stay safe there even if they still have one. Then they come here and face all that hate, all that hostility and prejudice. A few days ago there was an incident with a bus that was taking refugees to a reception center. There was an illegal protest, people gathered together throwing things at the bus, launching fireworks and shouting things that could easily be understood without knowing the language at all. How cruel is that? All those noises, screaming and explosives probably remind the refugees of the things they’re trying to get away from. It’s disgusting. It’s wrong.

Now I’m ashamed.

I’m apologizing. I’m sorry we’ve handled things so badly here. I’m sorry we’re not doing more. I’m sorry our attitude is that of a narrow-minded middle-school bully. I’m sorry we’re so bound to our own perspective it’s all we can see.

Dear Finland. Please, open your eyes. And your mind as well.

Ha! I didn’t panic for nothing! I knew it!

And yet I was kind of hoping for a miracle (the kind of miracle that occurs when everything goes as planned, life is nice and smooth and I don’t constantly find myself messing things up and both causing and experiencing misunderstandings). So, let’s go back to my well-earned, honorable position as both the king and the jester of the mighty and vast realm of chaos, disarray and follies.

(I’d give an explanation for the preceding paragraph if I wasn’t this confused. But it is [mostly] studying-related.)

Anyway, the weekend was nice (for honesty’s sake I probably shouldn’t use the word ‘nice’ since I attended my grandmother’s funeral but that’s not the point here). To be more precise, the night between Saturday and Sunday was nice – or great, in fact. I couldn’t sleep so I went outside (due to the funeral I was on the countryside over the weekend) and enjoyed the magical-looking sky. It was rather cold and the fields were all covered in fog. Earlier I had borrowed an SLR-camera from my uncle and now tried to take pictures of the sky (fair warning: I’m not really a good photographer and I haven’t been using SLRs much before). At least some of the pictures were rather nice.

Such a fair autumn, both days and nights.

Cassiopeia; Andromeda (constellation + galaxy); Pegasus

The Pleiades (a crappy picture but still)

Delphinus

Panic!

Autumn is officially here – and so is the panic. Studying is great, studying is fun and approximately 95 % of the meaningfulness of my life is based on it but it doesn’t mean it´s completely trouble-free. I’m always either thrilled and overly-excited or right about to pack my bags and flee. Quite often I’m both which is rather confusing. At the moment I’m dead sure nothing is going to work this semester and I’ll mess up pretty much everything that possibly can be messed up. Looking forward to that.

Panic.

The word of the week. Or this part of year. Or just my life generally.