I love my friends. That’s how simple it is. The brain twister is why I
am totally incapable of expressing that.
Human beings are supposed to be able to communicate. To some (or most)
people communicating is probably the most obvious and mundane thing to do. Is
that the way you feel? Congratulations! To me communicating equals solving math
puzzles and since I’m struggling with the simplest additions exchanging thoughts
with another member of mankind is nothing but a fool’s errand. I just can’t do
it.
Most of the time I feel – in the absence of a better expression –
disconnected as if there were a huge gap between myself and other people. I’d
love to share a simple, straightforward and sincere connection with someone, I’d
love to be able to convey my thoughts as much as I’d love to understand the
thoughts of the other person in the way they were meant to be understood. Why
can’t I have that? Why do I so often find myself unintentionally insulting
someone? Sometimes I just blurt out my weird opinions and views and end up
regretting that in less than five minutes.
The other thing is that sometimes I simply don’t understand what people
around me are talking about. I guess that is because most of my friends share
faith in certain things I cannot believe in. It’s not that I don’t want to believe in those things, I do –
I just don’t see how I could (thanks to the sarcastic cynic screaming in my head). Therefore I believe the gap will remain without a
bridge, as unfortunate as it is.
